I figured this is one of those things that everyone needs to make. So I'll start now and add more periodically.
- Take up boxing
- Learn piano
- Become fluent in Spanish
- International Travel: Australia, Iceland, Ireland, England, Sweden, Chile, New Zealand, Canada, Egypt, Greece, Panama, Argentina (next semester wooo!)
- Visit all 50 states
- Ride a motorcycle
- Skydive
- Get married
- Pay off student loans
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Getting Rid of Pride Rock
I've been reading Mere Christianity by CS Lewis lately; and today's chapter was on the subject of sin. Actually, I haven't even finished the chapter yet, I was interrupted with dinner. But I left off on the subject of pride. Pride is the sin of all sins and it leads in to everything else. I guess you could call it the marijuana of sins. I'm just fascinated with how deeply pride can affect every aspect of life and I'm determined to burn it's existence from my being. Yet that is a goal that I fear can never be accomplished, but always something to work towards.
We all want to be noticed in some way or another. We dress a certain way to stand out amongst the rest of the kids. We save up stories that we have worked on, perfecting the delivery of it for that perfect audience. We always want to look and be the best, so we pick an easy target to tackle and then give ourselves a gold medal and stand on the winner's podium for leaving them in the dust.
I hear it gets lonely up there.
I don't want to be the one person standing on top of Pride Rock, looking down on everyone else. I don't want to do things simply because it will get me closer to the top (whatever that really means). I want to be the kind of person who will stop to help someone who's car has broken down on the side of the highway. And at the end of that day, I want to completely forget that I ever did that so I won't feel even the slightest temptation to pat myself on the back. I don't want to live as a "servant" who all the while is hoping to make headlines in the paper for feats such as "Saved 183 Babies From Burning Hospital" or "Built Housing Community For Homeless." I want to be a servant who looks for no other credit than having the hope that God will someday tell me "Well done."
I pray that I might be able to forget myself and forget my desires. I want to climb down from all of the Pride Rocks that I build and simply live. And I pray that I would actually see the steps necessary to climb down from there.
We all want to be noticed in some way or another. We dress a certain way to stand out amongst the rest of the kids. We save up stories that we have worked on, perfecting the delivery of it for that perfect audience. We always want to look and be the best, so we pick an easy target to tackle and then give ourselves a gold medal and stand on the winner's podium for leaving them in the dust.
I hear it gets lonely up there.
I don't want to be the one person standing on top of Pride Rock, looking down on everyone else. I don't want to do things simply because it will get me closer to the top (whatever that really means). I want to be the kind of person who will stop to help someone who's car has broken down on the side of the highway. And at the end of that day, I want to completely forget that I ever did that so I won't feel even the slightest temptation to pat myself on the back. I don't want to live as a "servant" who all the while is hoping to make headlines in the paper for feats such as "Saved 183 Babies From Burning Hospital" or "Built Housing Community For Homeless." I want to be a servant who looks for no other credit than having the hope that God will someday tell me "Well done."
I pray that I might be able to forget myself and forget my desires. I want to climb down from all of the Pride Rocks that I build and simply live. And I pray that I would actually see the steps necessary to climb down from there.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Running Away
Sometimes I feel like I run away from everything. Sometimes I want to. Sometimes it just might be a habit.
I never want to miss out on things. I want to be a part of everything, of anything that will allow me to be a part of it. But I'm finding I don't really want to be a part of it as much as I want to experience it. I want to be in it as far as I can without becoming consumed with it and forever associated with it. I guess I'm afraid of that vulnerability. I'm afraid of what might happen if I let all of me in to the many different outlets I try. I'm afraid that too many people will know me before I even know myself.
So what do I do? I run.
Some might say that I'm just trying something new. Perhaps I am sometimes. But many times, I feel like I just hit a wall of not knowing whether to dive in further and become more vulnerable or move on to someplace else where I can start over again.
Maybe thats why I go to school out of state. Maybe thats why I want to study abroad. Maybe thats why I'm searching for a different church now. Maybe thats why I always want to meet new people. Maybe thats why I'm much more comfortable in the introduction phase than the "getting to know you" phase.
But I think I'm growing weary of this act. I think I'm finally wanting to be in a place where I am known beyond what is spoken at "hello." I want to fully be a part of a bigger something, and I don't want to run away when I sense those relationships growing stronger. I want to push through the awkward getting to know you phase, onward towards the "comfortable to be or say anything" stage.
I want to be more available, and more actively involved in the world directly around me. I don't want to get passed by anymore.
When I come back from Argentina in the spring, I think I will be ready to stay put for a while. I think I'll be ready and willing to push my vulnerability.
Until then, I'll try not to run away as much. I'm finding theres not as much mysteriousness involved in that as I once thought. Rather, the world takes it in as a passing breath, but I want so much to be more than that.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
People Are Funny
Contrary to origins of my blog, this entry is about the observations I've made of people as opposed to learning something new about me. I just find these observations humorous, I apologize if you cannot relate to this.
After working in a self-serve frozen yogurt shoppe for over a year now, it's become apparent to me that the human race is just not as smart as we'd like to think we are. For instance, above each yogurt dispenser, there is a sign that tells which lever (right or left) to pull for which flavor. Yet, despite these wonderful instructions, it amazes me how many times a day I am asked "ummmm, which one is vanilla?" Maybe we forget how to read when we are not getting paid to do so.
Along these same lines, all of the flavors are listed in big, bold letters for you to read from standing outside the store. For instance, this week the signs read: Vanilla, Strawberry, Chocolate, Peanut Butter, Tart, Ginger-Lemonade. Its a tough fight to hold back my sarcastic remarks when a customer asks me "Do you guys have raspberry??" Is that one of the flavors listed? Didn't think so.
Unfortunately, I didn't get to witness this, but a co-worker told me about a 12 year-old girl who could not get the cookie dough piece off of the tongs, so she placed the entire thing in her mouth. TWELVE! I'd expect that from a 2 year-old, but come on now.
We have several coupons circulating right now- two look very similar but one expired in September. I had a customer present me one of the coupons that had expired in September, so I told her that I was unable to accept it because it was several weeks past the expiration date. This customer stared at me as if Godzilla was climbing the Empire State Building behind me. This customer then proceeded to ask me, "Sooo. You're not going to honor this?" Now please, tell me how that would be honorable? We are doing you a favor (kind of) in offering these coupons. Thankful much? If you're so in to cutting coupons (confession: I am)...keep cutting and work on those organizational skills to keep the expiration dates right.
And then theres the world of parenting. I am learning so much about what not to do, should I ever become a parent. This is the great privilege of working in a rather affluent setting. In a self-serve yogurt business, children will serve themselves a cup the size of their head. Either the parent laughs and tells the kid "Oh, you'll never eat that much" but still allow them to waste money that could be set aside in a college fund, or the parent will look at me as if to say "Well, where were you when my kid poured themself a mountain of yogurt??" And to that I respond: Where was I? Where were YOU?? Oh yeah, talking with your neighbor about the next European cruise you would be taking. It's a slightly smaller vacation than the one you took last year, but, it will do...
People, people, people.
***I feel as if I should make a disclaimer. I absolutely love my job. I just get great entertainment from the daily interactions that take place there. I certainly intend no harm to our loyal customers.***
After working in a self-serve frozen yogurt shoppe for over a year now, it's become apparent to me that the human race is just not as smart as we'd like to think we are. For instance, above each yogurt dispenser, there is a sign that tells which lever (right or left) to pull for which flavor. Yet, despite these wonderful instructions, it amazes me how many times a day I am asked "ummmm, which one is vanilla?" Maybe we forget how to read when we are not getting paid to do so.
Along these same lines, all of the flavors are listed in big, bold letters for you to read from standing outside the store. For instance, this week the signs read: Vanilla, Strawberry, Chocolate, Peanut Butter, Tart, Ginger-Lemonade. Its a tough fight to hold back my sarcastic remarks when a customer asks me "Do you guys have raspberry??" Is that one of the flavors listed? Didn't think so.
Unfortunately, I didn't get to witness this, but a co-worker told me about a 12 year-old girl who could not get the cookie dough piece off of the tongs, so she placed the entire thing in her mouth. TWELVE! I'd expect that from a 2 year-old, but come on now.
We have several coupons circulating right now- two look very similar but one expired in September. I had a customer present me one of the coupons that had expired in September, so I told her that I was unable to accept it because it was several weeks past the expiration date. This customer stared at me as if Godzilla was climbing the Empire State Building behind me. This customer then proceeded to ask me, "Sooo. You're not going to honor this?" Now please, tell me how that would be honorable? We are doing you a favor (kind of) in offering these coupons. Thankful much? If you're so in to cutting coupons (confession: I am)...keep cutting and work on those organizational skills to keep the expiration dates right.
And then theres the world of parenting. I am learning so much about what not to do, should I ever become a parent. This is the great privilege of working in a rather affluent setting. In a self-serve yogurt business, children will serve themselves a cup the size of their head. Either the parent laughs and tells the kid "Oh, you'll never eat that much" but still allow them to waste money that could be set aside in a college fund, or the parent will look at me as if to say "Well, where were you when my kid poured themself a mountain of yogurt??" And to that I respond: Where was I? Where were YOU?? Oh yeah, talking with your neighbor about the next European cruise you would be taking. It's a slightly smaller vacation than the one you took last year, but, it will do...
People, people, people.
***I feel as if I should make a disclaimer. I absolutely love my job. I just get great entertainment from the daily interactions that take place there. I certainly intend no harm to our loyal customers.***
Monday, October 4, 2010
Hi, How Are You?
Pet peeve: people who greet others with "Hey! How are you?" and then walk away before hearing a response.
Please, don't ask the question if you don't care.
I try to throw people off with that question sometimes and respond. Someone had asked me how I was doing once right after I'd completed a series of about thirty sneezes. So I replied that I was doing "sneezing." Yes yes, not correct grammar. But I think you get the point. At another time, I happened to be really hungry, so I replied by telling the person that I could really go for a sandwich.
Those are the kind of answers I love to hear, and yet everyone pulls the blanket response of "good." I don't believe that everyone everywhere is always doing good. I want to see people, I want to know what's going on in their lives. I want them to know that I truly do care and truly do want to know what is happening in their world.
This puts me in a frustrating position sometimes though. Because I feel I spend a good amount of time asking others how they're doing, I expect to be asked the same in return. I don't generally spout out my life without being probed. I like to know that people are taking an interest in me and I want to feel like they might actually care about what I have to say, so I typically refrain from speaking until asked. Thats why it means the world to me when I get a phone call or a text from someone who just wanted to see how I was doing. It warms my heart through and through. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen as often as I'd like, and I'm left feeling like I'm always making the initiatives to call people, check up on them, and maintain that relationship.
I hate having a high emotional intelligence because my need to be emotionally cared for often goes unmet. I try to inquire about other people because I know what it does for me, and I know that people have all different types of gifts to be used in society. It's hard not to be selfish, and want everything that benefits me.
But really, I wish we all learned how to love and care about each other more. We could all use a little more of that.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
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