I read something the other day pointing out the fact that we really don't remember much of our lives. Think about it, I bet you couldn't give me a detailed account of your life three days ago. I surely couldn't. This phenomenon makes me believe that the moments that we do remember have got to have some sort of significance.
Childhood was a magical period, filled with limitless dreams that floated around in my head day after day. I wish I could remember more of that time, I wish I would have written down something of my daily life. I was interested in writing back then, but not enough to realize I would one day want my childhood thoughts back.
God has recently revealed a little of the career path He has in store for me, but how I'm going to get there is still a complete mystery for me. But honestly, I'm just happy to have some sort of direction. However, thinking about all of this has conjured up a conversation I once had when I was a little girl.
I remember playing on the swing set my Dad had built (with the help of our friendly neighbor), along with my brother and and one of our neighborhood friends. We had most likely just finished a game of seeing who could jump the furthest off the swing set, when I blurted out that when I grew up, I wanted to be a pioneer.
Now, maybe my head was a bit consumed with frequent playing of Oregon Trail, but the thought of being a pioneer intrigued me. I realized that I wouldn't be settling any land, but doing something that no one had ever done before and being able to put my name on it as being "first" was truly fascinating.
I don't know why this memory has been brought forth again, but I don't doubt God has purposely placed it there. That childhood pioneer ambition is still alive (although I don't think I would use the term "pioneer" now). I want to do things no one has done before, and I'm beginning to see my opportunity. Like I said, I don't know how I will get there, but I don't think the early pioneers ever had a clue as to how to get to where they were going anyway. But, this part excites me.
It is a curious thing, to live life blindly, and there are stops along the way that cause you to question just how you got there. But the opportunity to reflect on the steps that brought you to the present are so rewarding. It shows God's character in a light that can really only be understood in looking backwards. If you think about it, it's truly humbling. You realize that the moments that previously made absolutely no sense had been perfectly orchestrated. These are the times that I realize I need to seek forgiveness from God for getting angry with him when it seemed like nothing was working out. But it was, just not in the way I thought it should.
That moment on the swing-set has given me confirmation to where I am right now. Those thoughts I had when I was younger were not just crazy thoughts (at least not all of them), but they marked the beginnings of the road I would travel down and will serve as confirmation as I continue to walk forward.
We acknowledge that God writes our stories, but we never understand them until we read them in reverse.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Current Thoughts on Marriage
For the first time in my life, I feel completely ok with the thought that I may never get married. Most certainly not for a while (well, maybe I shouldn't say "most certainly," because God has a funny way of doing whatever he wants when you least expect it to happen).
Go ahead, gasp.
But now hear me out.
I think the world leads us to believe that marriage is the highest peak of the mountain, and that most of our striving is to reach that peak...to find "the one." Yes, marriage is a beautiful gift, but it is not the end all, be all.
How much energy have I spent thinking about boys, pursuing their admiration, and daydreaming about my future life when I should have been focusing on Christ and what He is calling me to do. Each one of us have been birthed with and by intention for God's kingdom. He has plans for us that will benefit his coming kingdom, and gives us a life most satisfying. And yet, I've ignored this truth time and time again.
Far too often, especially for my age group (as now is the time for the "first train" of marriage to go through), do we look to marriage for security. The fear of being alone drives so many of our lives, that we forget the Father's promise that we are never alone.
I fear that too many people throw in the towel on these dreams God has intentionally placed in each one of us, only to settle for potential security with another being. Now, I'm not hating on marriage because for many, God has given them that gift. I'm just realizing that it is ok to NOT be married, as per the road that God leads each of us down.
So for now, I have been given too much of an adventurous spirit to compromise or push open a door that has not yet presented itself. I have a desire to explore the world for all that it is, and to be able to go whenever I want is a gift I cherish.
Perhaps marriage is in my future, and I'll embrace that with arms wide open when it comes. But I won't make that my sole focus in living, or I'll cease to live at all.
Go ahead, gasp.
But now hear me out.
I think the world leads us to believe that marriage is the highest peak of the mountain, and that most of our striving is to reach that peak...to find "the one." Yes, marriage is a beautiful gift, but it is not the end all, be all.
How much energy have I spent thinking about boys, pursuing their admiration, and daydreaming about my future life when I should have been focusing on Christ and what He is calling me to do. Each one of us have been birthed with and by intention for God's kingdom. He has plans for us that will benefit his coming kingdom, and gives us a life most satisfying. And yet, I've ignored this truth time and time again.
Far too often, especially for my age group (as now is the time for the "first train" of marriage to go through), do we look to marriage for security. The fear of being alone drives so many of our lives, that we forget the Father's promise that we are never alone.
I fear that too many people throw in the towel on these dreams God has intentionally placed in each one of us, only to settle for potential security with another being. Now, I'm not hating on marriage because for many, God has given them that gift. I'm just realizing that it is ok to NOT be married, as per the road that God leads each of us down.
So for now, I have been given too much of an adventurous spirit to compromise or push open a door that has not yet presented itself. I have a desire to explore the world for all that it is, and to be able to go whenever I want is a gift I cherish.
Perhaps marriage is in my future, and I'll embrace that with arms wide open when it comes. But I won't make that my sole focus in living, or I'll cease to live at all.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Lessons Learned from 127 Hours
I'm not one for emotions, or at least I wasn't. As I wrote in my previous entry, I've begun weeping at the strangest moments, and I add the film 127 Hours to that list. Yeah yeah, most girls cry during movies about weddings or tragic love losses, but tears don't usually fall during tales of epic survival. But alas, they did... both times I watched it.
James Franco portrays Aron Ralston, a man that thrived off of independent adventure. He was the type of guy who found great satisfaction out of getting himself into the craziest of situations and getting himself out of these crazy situations without interacting with a single other person. The thrill of self-success drove him, and consequently, nearly cost him his life.
When Aron left home early that morning, he hadn't told anyone where he was going. And why would he? He was able to successfully smooth over any bumps in the road that previously shown themselves. It's so easy to get a high from independent success; the triumph leaves you hungry to test the limits of one's abilities, much like the kid who likes to see how far he can push his parents' rules before getting put in time out. I know; I'm guilty of it far too often, but I'm learning that that high cannot and will not satisfy.
God created each person with unique capabilities, but no one can do everything. This is why community is so crucial. Just as God created us with these unique capabilities, he didn't give us everything so that we would have to rely on other people...to rely on God. Sure, we've all heard this sermon before, but there are far too many of us who are still addicted to self-achievement. We rise and we rise to a point where we think the peak of the dream is. The view from the top shows the building blocks of accomplishment, and for a while the feeling is incredible. But then it gets quiet, and eventually you'll find yourself alone and quite possibly, stuck between a rock and a hard place.*
In the solitary moments Aron spent trapped in the cave, he flashes back on all the moments he denied community's invitation. He revisits each moment that could have prevented him from being trapped there in the first place and he begins to feel incredibly sorry. If only he had returned his mother's phone call. If only he had let his friend at the surplus/map store in on his adventure. If only he had continued hiking with the girls he met right before his near fatal jump.
Aron may have had the survival skills and determination (and undoubtedly God's miraculous hand) to free himself from the rock, but he was still stranded in the canyon. Cutting his arm off was not the end of story, there was still another journey to take, and this one he could not do alone.
Emerging from the cave, it was obvious that Aron was not going to make it very far if he did not get immediate assistance. Dehydrated and delirious, Aron was able to spot a family walking a fairly short distance in front of him. If Aron wanted to survive, he was going to have to call out and ask for help. He could not rely on himself.
And this is the moment I cried. As I watched Aron cry out for help, tears streamed down my face. It was a moment so incredibly humbling; one that finally embraced community and the strengths of others.
I can't get over this beautiful moment and it is something I want and need to remember. I'm not shunning independence, that too is a beautiful gift. But we must find the balance between independence and community. I pray that we would learn to embrace who God created us to be individually, embrace the unique qualities and abilities of those around us, and how we are meant to live in community with one another so that then we can fully rejoice in the beauty of life.
*Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place is a novel written by Aron Ralston.
James Franco portrays Aron Ralston, a man that thrived off of independent adventure. He was the type of guy who found great satisfaction out of getting himself into the craziest of situations and getting himself out of these crazy situations without interacting with a single other person. The thrill of self-success drove him, and consequently, nearly cost him his life.
When Aron left home early that morning, he hadn't told anyone where he was going. And why would he? He was able to successfully smooth over any bumps in the road that previously shown themselves. It's so easy to get a high from independent success; the triumph leaves you hungry to test the limits of one's abilities, much like the kid who likes to see how far he can push his parents' rules before getting put in time out. I know; I'm guilty of it far too often, but I'm learning that that high cannot and will not satisfy.
God created each person with unique capabilities, but no one can do everything. This is why community is so crucial. Just as God created us with these unique capabilities, he didn't give us everything so that we would have to rely on other people...to rely on God. Sure, we've all heard this sermon before, but there are far too many of us who are still addicted to self-achievement. We rise and we rise to a point where we think the peak of the dream is. The view from the top shows the building blocks of accomplishment, and for a while the feeling is incredible. But then it gets quiet, and eventually you'll find yourself alone and quite possibly, stuck between a rock and a hard place.*
In the solitary moments Aron spent trapped in the cave, he flashes back on all the moments he denied community's invitation. He revisits each moment that could have prevented him from being trapped there in the first place and he begins to feel incredibly sorry. If only he had returned his mother's phone call. If only he had let his friend at the surplus/map store in on his adventure. If only he had continued hiking with the girls he met right before his near fatal jump.
Aron may have had the survival skills and determination (and undoubtedly God's miraculous hand) to free himself from the rock, but he was still stranded in the canyon. Cutting his arm off was not the end of story, there was still another journey to take, and this one he could not do alone.
Emerging from the cave, it was obvious that Aron was not going to make it very far if he did not get immediate assistance. Dehydrated and delirious, Aron was able to spot a family walking a fairly short distance in front of him. If Aron wanted to survive, he was going to have to call out and ask for help. He could not rely on himself.
And this is the moment I cried. As I watched Aron cry out for help, tears streamed down my face. It was a moment so incredibly humbling; one that finally embraced community and the strengths of others.
I can't get over this beautiful moment and it is something I want and need to remember. I'm not shunning independence, that too is a beautiful gift. But we must find the balance between independence and community. I pray that we would learn to embrace who God created us to be individually, embrace the unique qualities and abilities of those around us, and how we are meant to live in community with one another so that then we can fully rejoice in the beauty of life.
*Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place is a novel written by Aron Ralston.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Its Been Awhile...
There are some moments in life that leave you wishing you could press pause and stay there until you've memorized everything about that scene. Those are the beautiful moments that make your heart swell with gratitude for the life God has blessed you with and the people that he has surrounded you with.
For me, last night was one of those moments. A small group of us were hanging out at a friends house enjoying some Argentine wine and fresh fruit, accompanied by the Ray Lamontagne Pandora radio station- the scene was just absolutely perfect. The music, the company, the food, the lighting...everything. There was no agenda; no homework to get done, no meetings to attend. Nothing. Just the simple pleasure of enjoying one another's company.
I realized that this will be one of those moments that I'll look back on years from now and just smile at the perfectness of it all. But thinking about being able to look back on this moment got me thinking about the future and what it potentially holds.
My friends are so talented, and I am so excited to see where life is going to have each one of us in 10 years, heck...in 5 years. One will go on to be a writer, one an actor, one a photographer, another a physical therapist, a PR professional, a recording artist. We each have these God given dreams and talents that are on the brink of being unleashed on the world and I am so excited to watch it pan out. For the little successes and big triumphs, for bumps in the road and the unsuspected corners. It all excites me.
Maybe I'm beginning to realize that I am a senior in college and that time keeps pushing me forward through the doorway of the real world. My senses are coming alive to everything now. I found myself tearing up reading through Father's Day cards at Hallmark the other day, and again after reading a resignation letter from a former teacher. I am able to stay and enjoy the company of those who surround me without rushing off to another appointment. I know I'm changing, and I welcome it with a warm embrace.
Life is beautiful, and I thank my Creator for the gifts he is bestowing in my life and in the lives of those around me.
For me, last night was one of those moments. A small group of us were hanging out at a friends house enjoying some Argentine wine and fresh fruit, accompanied by the Ray Lamontagne Pandora radio station- the scene was just absolutely perfect. The music, the company, the food, the lighting...everything. There was no agenda; no homework to get done, no meetings to attend. Nothing. Just the simple pleasure of enjoying one another's company.
I realized that this will be one of those moments that I'll look back on years from now and just smile at the perfectness of it all. But thinking about being able to look back on this moment got me thinking about the future and what it potentially holds.
My friends are so talented, and I am so excited to see where life is going to have each one of us in 10 years, heck...in 5 years. One will go on to be a writer, one an actor, one a photographer, another a physical therapist, a PR professional, a recording artist. We each have these God given dreams and talents that are on the brink of being unleashed on the world and I am so excited to watch it pan out. For the little successes and big triumphs, for bumps in the road and the unsuspected corners. It all excites me.
Maybe I'm beginning to realize that I am a senior in college and that time keeps pushing me forward through the doorway of the real world. My senses are coming alive to everything now. I found myself tearing up reading through Father's Day cards at Hallmark the other day, and again after reading a resignation letter from a former teacher. I am able to stay and enjoy the company of those who surround me without rushing off to another appointment. I know I'm changing, and I welcome it with a warm embrace.
Life is beautiful, and I thank my Creator for the gifts he is bestowing in my life and in the lives of those around me.
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