Looking Back to Walk Forward

I read something the other day pointing out the fact that we really don't remember much of our lives. Think about it, I bet you couldn't give me a detailed account of your life three days ago. I surely couldn't. This phenomenon makes me believe that the moments that we do remember have got to have some sort of significance.

Childhood was a magical period, filled with limitless dreams that floated around in my head day after day. I wish I could remember more of that time, I wish I would have written down something of my daily life. I was interested in writing back then, but not enough to realize I would one day want my childhood thoughts back.

God has recently revealed a little of the career path He has in store for me, but how I'm going to get there is still a complete mystery for me. But honestly, I'm just happy to have some sort of direction. However, thinking about all of this has conjured up a conversation I once had when I was a little girl.

I remember playing on the swing set my Dad had built (with the help of our friendly neighbor), along with my brother and and one of our neighborhood friends. We had most likely just finished a game of seeing who could jump the furthest off the swing set, when I blurted out that when I grew up, I wanted to be a pioneer.

Now, maybe my head was a bit consumed with frequent playing of Oregon Trail, but the thought of being a pioneer intrigued me. I realized that I wouldn't be settling any land, but doing something that no one had ever done before and being able to put my name on it as being "first" was truly fascinating.

I don't know why this memory has been brought forth again, but I don't doubt God has purposely placed it there. That childhood pioneer ambition is still alive (although I don't think I would use the term "pioneer" now). I want to do things no one has done before, and I'm beginning to see my opportunity. Like I said, I don't know how I will get there, but I don't think the early pioneers ever had a clue as to how to get to where they were going anyway. But, this part excites me.

It is a curious thing, to live life blindly, and there are stops along the way that cause you to question just how you got there. But the opportunity to reflect on the steps that brought you to the present are so rewarding.  It shows God's character in a light that can really only be understood in looking backwards. If you think about it, it's truly humbling. You realize that the moments that previously made absolutely no sense had been perfectly orchestrated. These are the times that I realize I need to seek forgiveness from God for getting angry with him when it seemed like nothing was working out. But it was, just not in the way I thought it should.

That moment on the swing-set has given me confirmation to where I am right now. Those thoughts I had when I was younger were not just crazy thoughts (at least not all of them), but they marked the beginnings of the road I would travel down and will serve as confirmation as I continue to walk forward.  

We acknowledge that God writes our stories, but we never understand them until we read them in reverse.