Growing Alone

I feel as though I've been cheating on this blog page- in the past month, I've started another blog to cater more directly to my travel adventures in Argentina. But I allow myself to go a little deeper on these pages, and I think thats what I need right now.

I have never felt so alone in my life.

Here I am, thousands of miles away from home, in a place that is completely opposite of who I am and yet- this place is exactly what I've prayed about and desired.  If you know me, I talk a lot about wanting to live outside of the Christian bubble, but I never feel as though I've actually fulfilled that desire.  There have been times where I stick one foot outside of the bubble, sometimes my entire body, but I'm quick to go back inside.  I know the truth that lives inside of that bubble, and I'm scared that if I step outside of it, I won't thrive.

But what I can't get out of my head is the way Jesus lived his life. He was everywhere people said he shouldn't be. He went against tradition time and time again, and encouraged and taught his disciples to do the same thing.  Jesus didn't have a closed circle of "Christian" friends. Jesus loved everyone at every moment of their lives.  He didn't wait for them to come to him, he walked boldly towards them.

One thing I'm learning is that remaining inside the Christian bubble only benefits me. It only encourages my personal growth and walk with Christ- a very selfish concept.  Following Christ is largely about community, and living life together with everyone. Everyone. Not just those who believe, like I do, that Jesus is God's one and only son- but everyone. And while I myself would be better off surrounding myself with active Christians, I'd be missing the point of following Christ completely. In fact, I think I would have to renounce my Christian title.  It's dangerous stepping outside of this safe bubble and in to the Enemy's playground, temptation is everywhere and I am guaranteed to slip up and fail from time to time.  But I'd rather work towards advancing Christ's kingdom and take a toll on my own personal walk than remain selfishly in the safety of this community I have so long hidden behind.

I'm not sure that I've run in to a single Christian in Buenos Aires as of yet. But I like that. Its forcing me to really learn how to love people where they're at.  It forces me to throw off any and all judgements that I could hold.  It forces me to be more confident in what I believe and how I live it.

But even though I'm learning much, and I'm excited to see the growth that comes out of this season, it can still get lonely.  For having never been in such a position on my own, I crave a community much more tangible than everyone at home is right now.

I'm learning to live as Jesus did and I'm beginning to understand a small piece of how difficult it was.  In these moments when I feel desperately alone, I cling to the One who has been there and done that many times before me. I know my God is greater than my circumstances, and I know that he will never leave me.  This, I know, has been promised.