Saturday, October 2, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Senioritis
But not that kind.
Today I had the pleasure of standing in line behind a lovely old couple at Chick-fil-a. And when I say lovely, I mean it with absolutely no sarcasm this time. I had already ordered my food and was back up at the counter for a refill on a coke. It was one of those days where nothing really phased me and I felt a lot more tolerant about certain things, thus the reason why this elderly couple taking forever in front of me, honestly, didn't bother me.
I don't usually think old people are cute and I'm not typically attracted to wrinkles. But today, I'd describe this couple as cute. They stood there, side by side, and it was so clear that they had not a care in the world. They didn't seem to realize the growing line behind them. The only thing that mattered was themselves. I know, it sounds selfish, but in this moment, it wasn't. In this moment, I found myself dreaming about the moment when I will stand side-by-side with my husband with no other care in the world. No more worrying about jobs, money, people to please and places to go. Just him and I. It was so clear to me that this couple knew everything about one another, was completely comfortable, and was completely content just....to be.
But I'm not quite ready to adorn myself with wrinkles. I'm just noticing the beauty of life, and life in it's entirety.
Today I had the pleasure of standing in line behind a lovely old couple at Chick-fil-a. And when I say lovely, I mean it with absolutely no sarcasm this time. I had already ordered my food and was back up at the counter for a refill on a coke. It was one of those days where nothing really phased me and I felt a lot more tolerant about certain things, thus the reason why this elderly couple taking forever in front of me, honestly, didn't bother me.
I don't usually think old people are cute and I'm not typically attracted to wrinkles. But today, I'd describe this couple as cute. They stood there, side by side, and it was so clear that they had not a care in the world. They didn't seem to realize the growing line behind them. The only thing that mattered was themselves. I know, it sounds selfish, but in this moment, it wasn't. In this moment, I found myself dreaming about the moment when I will stand side-by-side with my husband with no other care in the world. No more worrying about jobs, money, people to please and places to go. Just him and I. It was so clear to me that this couple knew everything about one another, was completely comfortable, and was completely content just....to be.
But I'm not quite ready to adorn myself with wrinkles. I'm just noticing the beauty of life, and life in it's entirety.
Friday, September 24, 2010
The Fall of Man, The Beginning of Grace
I'm sure the majority of people know the story of Adam and Eve, the two luckiest people who threw it all away and ruined life for the rest of us. I've started reading Genesis again. For some reason, I'm always hesitant to start reading at the beginning of the Bible. It's like, in my mind, I feel that starting at the beginning is uncool.... I don't know. Reading in the middle of a book makes me feel so much more accomplished. But anyway.
So when God created Adam and Eve, they walked around this incredible garden completely naked, and 2:25 says "they felt no shame." There was nothing wrong with being unclothed, it was normal and a heck of a lot more practical. After being tricked in to eating the fruit from the tree of good and evil, Adam and Eve realized that they were naked, and suddenly, it wasn't ok anymore. They were ashamed, and tried hiding from God in the garden.
In comes God, demanding to know who told Adam and Eve they were, indeed, naked. Upon finding out they had eaten from the tree (which I really think he knew before they fessed up), God cursed the serpent and then cursed man...including increased pains during childbearing. Thanks Eve.
Thats the jest of the story, and the only part I usually pay attention enough to. But in my readings today, I discovered something more. I discovered God's grace with Adam and Eve, and I'd venture to say it is the first showing of grace.
3:21 says, "The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them." Now hold on, because I thought God was angry! But no, despite giving in to the serpent's tempting, God still cares about Adam and Eve. Even though He created them to walk around in the garden naked, God realizes their imperfection and mistakes and cares for them anyway. I can almost hear God saying, "Hey, this is not really what I had intended for you guys, but look, I love you anyway." Of course they were still punished, but that does not override God's love.
That verse is just blowing my mind right now. There is evidence of God's supreme grace all the way back to the beginning of man. That's something truly incredible and I can't fully wrap my head around the greatness of it all.
Sometimes I wonder why God loves me and accepts me back when I fail and dishonor him. I'll never understand His reasoning on that. But I pray that I don't take the way He loves for granted.
God. Thank you for your grace and for teaching us of it at the very beginning of mankind.
So when God created Adam and Eve, they walked around this incredible garden completely naked, and 2:25 says "they felt no shame." There was nothing wrong with being unclothed, it was normal and a heck of a lot more practical. After being tricked in to eating the fruit from the tree of good and evil, Adam and Eve realized that they were naked, and suddenly, it wasn't ok anymore. They were ashamed, and tried hiding from God in the garden.
In comes God, demanding to know who told Adam and Eve they were, indeed, naked. Upon finding out they had eaten from the tree (which I really think he knew before they fessed up), God cursed the serpent and then cursed man...including increased pains during childbearing. Thanks Eve.
Thats the jest of the story, and the only part I usually pay attention enough to. But in my readings today, I discovered something more. I discovered God's grace with Adam and Eve, and I'd venture to say it is the first showing of grace.
3:21 says, "The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them." Now hold on, because I thought God was angry! But no, despite giving in to the serpent's tempting, God still cares about Adam and Eve. Even though He created them to walk around in the garden naked, God realizes their imperfection and mistakes and cares for them anyway. I can almost hear God saying, "Hey, this is not really what I had intended for you guys, but look, I love you anyway." Of course they were still punished, but that does not override God's love.
That verse is just blowing my mind right now. There is evidence of God's supreme grace all the way back to the beginning of man. That's something truly incredible and I can't fully wrap my head around the greatness of it all.
Sometimes I wonder why God loves me and accepts me back when I fail and dishonor him. I'll never understand His reasoning on that. But I pray that I don't take the way He loves for granted.
God. Thank you for your grace and for teaching us of it at the very beginning of mankind.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Entertaining Angels
I hope that by some chance, reading that title has gotten the Newsboys song stuck in your head.
While overall, I would say that today was not my day, I did witness a very cool story that I want to share.
I was at my internship at Rocketown today and all the staff members had gone into a meeting. I was hanging out in the coffee bar, editing some interviews and greeting any people who may come in (we weren't open yet, but people will come by to drop off a package or something).
I watched as a man dressed in jeans and a baggy shirt came up the stairs. He had a bit of a worried expression, and when I asked if I could help him he said, "Well, first, I really just need to get to a men's room." At that time, my supervisor had come out of the meeting to make sure everything was going alright and we figured out that this man was lost and attempted to help him get back on track. He went to the bathroom and she went back in to the meeting.
When the man came back out, he stopped to ask me how the building was paid for. Because of the nature of the place I work at (not my internship), and the rules we have about giving out information, I was a little hesitant to give out such information. I really couldn't tell you why, I guess I was just taken aback by the question and he most certainly did not look that the typical person I'd like to correspond with. But I told him we were a non-profit organization, to which he asked if we received any money from the government. I told him we didn't. So he asked if he could get our information because he works for a company that would love to make a donation to us.
I'm sorry, what?
Here was a man, who just happened to get lost on our street and came to use our bathroom who left wanting to make a donation to us. While I was not rude towards him, I was just a bit hesitant in speaking with him, sadly, because he looked like trouble to me. I'd like to think that I don't judge, but here I am. Guilty, again.
I could not help but laugh at this encounter. Truly a God moment. Hebrews 13:2 says, "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unknowingly." Well, that was me today. I only wish I had been more hospitable. But I thank God for sending him to our doorstep and for the lesson I learned. But now I pray that God would remove the thought that strangers are always "bad" people. Sure, there's a few crazies out there, but generally, strangers are people just looking for a community. And if I'm such an advocate for community like I claim to be, I need to be more welcoming in all settings. Convicted. Again.
While overall, I would say that today was not my day, I did witness a very cool story that I want to share.
I was at my internship at Rocketown today and all the staff members had gone into a meeting. I was hanging out in the coffee bar, editing some interviews and greeting any people who may come in (we weren't open yet, but people will come by to drop off a package or something).
I watched as a man dressed in jeans and a baggy shirt came up the stairs. He had a bit of a worried expression, and when I asked if I could help him he said, "Well, first, I really just need to get to a men's room." At that time, my supervisor had come out of the meeting to make sure everything was going alright and we figured out that this man was lost and attempted to help him get back on track. He went to the bathroom and she went back in to the meeting.
When the man came back out, he stopped to ask me how the building was paid for. Because of the nature of the place I work at (not my internship), and the rules we have about giving out information, I was a little hesitant to give out such information. I really couldn't tell you why, I guess I was just taken aback by the question and he most certainly did not look that the typical person I'd like to correspond with. But I told him we were a non-profit organization, to which he asked if we received any money from the government. I told him we didn't. So he asked if he could get our information because he works for a company that would love to make a donation to us.
I'm sorry, what?
Here was a man, who just happened to get lost on our street and came to use our bathroom who left wanting to make a donation to us. While I was not rude towards him, I was just a bit hesitant in speaking with him, sadly, because he looked like trouble to me. I'd like to think that I don't judge, but here I am. Guilty, again.
I could not help but laugh at this encounter. Truly a God moment. Hebrews 13:2 says, "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unknowingly." Well, that was me today. I only wish I had been more hospitable. But I thank God for sending him to our doorstep and for the lesson I learned. But now I pray that God would remove the thought that strangers are always "bad" people. Sure, there's a few crazies out there, but generally, strangers are people just looking for a community. And if I'm such an advocate for community like I claim to be, I need to be more welcoming in all settings. Convicted. Again.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
I Apologize For My Selfishness
Far too often I complain about people not taking an interest in me. I prefer to wait for others to engage in conversation with me before I will acknowledge them, and if that never happens, I find myself getting upset.
Funny, I've failed to look at it from the other side.
What if the people I meet are waiting on me to initiate something. I'm sure they want to feel that people are interested in their lives as well. Everyone is selfish with themselves and thinks that everyone else should act in the same way towards them.
Thats a lot of taking and not much giving.
Sure, I can blame my actions on me having a more introverted personality, but thats just taking the easy way out. I'm sorry for being so absorbed with myself that I've failed to see the needs of others, and that their needs are just like mine.
I want to be bolder in new relationships, not having the expectation of always having to be poured in to. A friend of mine mentioned the other day that there are just going to be some areas where you pour in way more than you'll ever get out. Not necessarily what we would like to happen, but it does all the same.
I apologize for seeming to stuck in my world that I don't engage myself in yours. I truly don't mean to be like that. I need to make more of a conscious effort to turn that habit around, which will be a bit of a challenge as I've discovered that I'm easily intimidated by people. I have another brilliant friend who told me that I can't be intimidated by others because there is simply no time. There's no time to be intimidated because there is an urgency to love.
An urgency to love.
No one walks around with a sign that says "I'm better than you," ok, maybe some people appear to. But God has created us all equally, and equally, He loves us to the highest of heights. So why should I give anyone a title of greater or lesser importance when it is not mine to give?
Sounds like the Enemy is trying to pull on my confidence. Well, I'm really not feeling that right now.
Not this time. God has bigger plans for me and in this moment, it starts with acknowledging people and loving them regardless of what is given back to me. God will fulfill every void I feel man has shorted me on, and twenty times over, at that.
You can't intimidate me any longer, I have an urgency to love you.
Funny, I've failed to look at it from the other side.
What if the people I meet are waiting on me to initiate something. I'm sure they want to feel that people are interested in their lives as well. Everyone is selfish with themselves and thinks that everyone else should act in the same way towards them.
Thats a lot of taking and not much giving.
Sure, I can blame my actions on me having a more introverted personality, but thats just taking the easy way out. I'm sorry for being so absorbed with myself that I've failed to see the needs of others, and that their needs are just like mine.
I want to be bolder in new relationships, not having the expectation of always having to be poured in to. A friend of mine mentioned the other day that there are just going to be some areas where you pour in way more than you'll ever get out. Not necessarily what we would like to happen, but it does all the same.
I apologize for seeming to stuck in my world that I don't engage myself in yours. I truly don't mean to be like that. I need to make more of a conscious effort to turn that habit around, which will be a bit of a challenge as I've discovered that I'm easily intimidated by people. I have another brilliant friend who told me that I can't be intimidated by others because there is simply no time. There's no time to be intimidated because there is an urgency to love.
An urgency to love.
No one walks around with a sign that says "I'm better than you," ok, maybe some people appear to. But God has created us all equally, and equally, He loves us to the highest of heights. So why should I give anyone a title of greater or lesser importance when it is not mine to give?
Sounds like the Enemy is trying to pull on my confidence. Well, I'm really not feeling that right now.
Not this time. God has bigger plans for me and in this moment, it starts with acknowledging people and loving them regardless of what is given back to me. God will fulfill every void I feel man has shorted me on, and twenty times over, at that.
You can't intimidate me any longer, I have an urgency to love you.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
asdlkfjaoielawEMOTIONSlaksjdfoaiewkjsfd
Ohhhh. My. I'm just gonna jump right in here.
As of two days ago, I have changed my minor to Spanish, and I will be studying abroad in Argentina next semester. I'm excited and nervous about this at the same time. Super excited about the cultural experience, sooo nervous about the fact that I don't feel like I have a good enough grasp on the Spanish language to be down there. But, I'll learn right? Oh, and with this program, I'll be down there from February to July. SIX FREAKING MONTHS. And that kind of terrifies me to be honest. A lot.
Why am I doing this? WHYYYYY do I do the things that scare me most?
Because in doing that, I allow God to be God and perform the roles that I know only HE can do. While I sit back and be weak and watch the man work through me. I have no idea where this crazy drive came from though, but I'm glad I have it, and that I act on it. Not always willingly at first, yet I know that in the end I will be so much stronger because of it.
This is all happening incredibly fast too. I've always talked about studying abroad, but for whatever reason felt held back. And now, things are just rolling. I've already got my letter of recommendations out. Crazy. CRAZY!
I'm a mix of jumping emotions and I'm wondering how this is going to play out. I need to trust God to be my Father who provides financially, emotionally and tangibly. I'm stoked to be going on this adventure, but right now, I'm a bit nervous. And I know the first few months will be a huge adjustment period and I HATE adjustment periods.
But, I press on...
As of two days ago, I have changed my minor to Spanish, and I will be studying abroad in Argentina next semester. I'm excited and nervous about this at the same time. Super excited about the cultural experience, sooo nervous about the fact that I don't feel like I have a good enough grasp on the Spanish language to be down there. But, I'll learn right? Oh, and with this program, I'll be down there from February to July. SIX FREAKING MONTHS. And that kind of terrifies me to be honest. A lot.
Why am I doing this? WHYYYYY do I do the things that scare me most?
Because in doing that, I allow God to be God and perform the roles that I know only HE can do. While I sit back and be weak and watch the man work through me. I have no idea where this crazy drive came from though, but I'm glad I have it, and that I act on it. Not always willingly at first, yet I know that in the end I will be so much stronger because of it.
This is all happening incredibly fast too. I've always talked about studying abroad, but for whatever reason felt held back. And now, things are just rolling. I've already got my letter of recommendations out. Crazy. CRAZY!
I'm a mix of jumping emotions and I'm wondering how this is going to play out. I need to trust God to be my Father who provides financially, emotionally and tangibly. I'm stoked to be going on this adventure, but right now, I'm a bit nervous. And I know the first few months will be a huge adjustment period and I HATE adjustment periods.
But, I press on...
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Loving God
It's always funny when God teaches you a lesson in the most unsuspecting ways. Like today. I was sitting in my 8 am class, Project Leadership, listening to my professor (who is way too awake at that hour) lecture on what a leader should/ought to be. One of his key expectations was that a leader should have "compassion." The definition he gave for compassion was "caring as much about others as yourself."
I started thinking about my relationship with God. Recently, as I've been questioning God about my dating life (or lack thereof really), I keep hearing him say "learn to love me first," and "you don't REALLY love me yet." Well what in the world does that mean? Of course I love God. I try to imagine going a day without interaction with him and it's impossible.
So I translated the definition my professor gave for compassion into a definition of what it meant to love God. While I would say that I do love God, I don't know that I've reached the point of caring as much about him as I do myself. But thats an extremely difficult place to get to, I think. And I'm not sure what that will look like.
Maybe the first step is to look at the ways that I love myself. It sounds like an awkward and strange idea, but I really do think thats a good step. How do I show myself that I love and care about me? I bathe and go through all the upkeep my body needs (brushing my hair, teeth, etc), I exercise, I go to school, I hang out with family and friends who encourage and lift me up, I get involved in activities that make me happy, I allow myself to experience emotions, I eat, and when I go places, I bring all of me. This all sounds pretty trivial, but I think it's necessary to break it down a little.
Based on how I love me, how can I learn to love God? And keep in mind that God loves me infinitely more still! First, by taking "care" of God. Taking time to appreciate the beauty that he's created. Taking time to look at some of the intricacies of my surroundings. Educating myself through his Word and relating what I'm learning to daily life. Giving praise to God. Embracing and recognizing the different emotions he has for us. Bringing God with me wherever I go so we can live life together.
Like I said, funny how my project leadership class ended up teaching me how to love God. To really love God. It's a process, it's always a process. I don't believe that there will be a point where I can say, "Ok! I've reached REALLY loving you God!" But I do believe I have work to do, but not on my own. I'm learning to love God while I live life with God.
I started thinking about my relationship with God. Recently, as I've been questioning God about my dating life (or lack thereof really), I keep hearing him say "learn to love me first," and "you don't REALLY love me yet." Well what in the world does that mean? Of course I love God. I try to imagine going a day without interaction with him and it's impossible.
So I translated the definition my professor gave for compassion into a definition of what it meant to love God. While I would say that I do love God, I don't know that I've reached the point of caring as much about him as I do myself. But thats an extremely difficult place to get to, I think. And I'm not sure what that will look like.
Maybe the first step is to look at the ways that I love myself. It sounds like an awkward and strange idea, but I really do think thats a good step. How do I show myself that I love and care about me? I bathe and go through all the upkeep my body needs (brushing my hair, teeth, etc), I exercise, I go to school, I hang out with family and friends who encourage and lift me up, I get involved in activities that make me happy, I allow myself to experience emotions, I eat, and when I go places, I bring all of me. This all sounds pretty trivial, but I think it's necessary to break it down a little.
Based on how I love me, how can I learn to love God? And keep in mind that God loves me infinitely more still! First, by taking "care" of God. Taking time to appreciate the beauty that he's created. Taking time to look at some of the intricacies of my surroundings. Educating myself through his Word and relating what I'm learning to daily life. Giving praise to God. Embracing and recognizing the different emotions he has for us. Bringing God with me wherever I go so we can live life together.
Like I said, funny how my project leadership class ended up teaching me how to love God. To really love God. It's a process, it's always a process. I don't believe that there will be a point where I can say, "Ok! I've reached REALLY loving you God!" But I do believe I have work to do, but not on my own. I'm learning to love God while I live life with God.
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