Forgiving vs. Being "That" Girl

I never want to be "that girl." You know, the one who can be angry one minute at someone and the next time they're given any sort of acknowledgement they come running back with open arms. I don't want to be that girl because I want to confident and strong in who I am and not have that change based on attention.

However, I want to be the girl who can forgive easily. I don't want to hold on to bitterness or anger, I want to be able to shake it off and forgive. I'm struggling with how to balance being forgiving and being the girl who will respond to anyone's attention and ultimately feeling walked over.

Christ has called us to forgive, no matter how many times we are done wrong, and in the bottom of my heart, I want to do that. Yet I also feel that when someone acts in a manner that hurts me, I want them to know that it hurts and I expect an apology. These are two conflicting thoughts and I know which one is wrong.  I've struggled with this before, I guess you could say I have a weak conscious and never want anyone to be angry with me or upset. I try to make every situation smooth, I try to mend and fix every bump that may have formed in my relationships. In doing so, I am often forced to ignore how I'm feeling and put on a smiling face, pretending that nothing ever affected me. I end up feeling walked all over.

Maybe I don't show it, I try to keep a "perfect" face, but my heart is affected. I'm tired of my feelings not being noticed or appreciated. It's a fight learning how to forgive and forget, and I don't like it one bit. I know I am supposed to forgive regardless and I know that when Christ comes back there will be justice, but that time hasn't come and for now, I'm still struggling.

Where is the line between being forgiving but not allowing others to just walk all over you? Is there a line? Do I continue to keep my feelings down and continue smoothing over everything? How do I learn to REALLY forgive and let go of how I'm truly feeling?

It's painful. I wasn't promised a pain free life, and I'm trying to follow after Christ as best as I can and I tell you, sometimes it just isn't fun. But as Paul writes, I must press on. Despite how I'm feeling, despite what's been done to me, I've been given grace and grace to the fullest. Now to be able to return that gift to others and genuinely mean it... that's where I'm at now.